At what cost?

Our three beautiful girls

There's a book called, "My Sister's Keeper".  Most people have either read the book or seen the movie.  In it a family conceives a child (Anna) in hopes that that child will be a donor match for their existing child (Kate) who has cancer.  The family spends every available resource trying to save Kate's life.  Anna is a donor for Kate and undergoes numerous surgeries.  Meanwhile the family is literally falling apart.  The older son becomes involved in drugs and the husband and wife suffer irreparable damage to their relationship.  Anna continues to feel used and ignored while the focus of the family always remains saving Kate's life.  In the end while Kate's life is spared, the family is broken.

So I ask a difficult question.  How much is too much?  In saving one child, are we in fact hurting another?  And how do we as mothers decide where to draw the line?

Grace doesn't have cancer.  I thank God for that.  But I considered her struggles to be very, very serious.  I felt as though her very life and future were at risk.  I believe that they were.  There was no possible way that I could sit back and do nothing.  My response was to do everything I could.  But please remember, I have two other children.  Two other beautiful, talented, precious children that I love just as much as I love Grace.

"Saving" Grace hasn't come without a heavy price.  My oldest has had to take on more responsibility than is fair for a child her age.  I have placed expectations on her that are unrealistic at times.  Tired and exhausted at the end of the day from the emotional drain of dealing with Grace's OCD, I would sometimes not have the energy to listen to her concerns.  She struggles with anxiety and emotional outbursts.  My youngest has found that she can get my attention by acting out.  Loud, silly, and unable to be ignored she commands attention everywhere she goes.

I never intended to put one child's needs in front of the other two.  It just happened.  I think this is common in homes with children who have disabilities and/or illnesses.  It is terribly difficult and comes with a tremendous amount of guilt.

I'm not sure that anyone can answer these questions.  How far is too far to go to save your child?  What cost is too much?  What relationships are you willing to sacrifice?  Would you put one child's needs ahead of another in order to save that child?  We never know what we'll do until we are faced with impossible decisions.