After we returned from OHSU we began a new chapter in our lives as fall began again and I prepared to return to work for the first time since Grace was born. I had accepted a job as a half time kindergarten teacher. I was anxious to return to my career. I hadn't realized until only recently how much I had missed teaching and I was, quite honestly, exhausted from daily battles with the monster that I now know as OCD.
I had arranged for Grace to attend a preschool that also had an extended care option. She would begin her morning in the daycare room and then be walked to the preschool. After preschool she would return to the daycare room to eat her lunch where I would pick her up. This seemed like a reasonable arrangement and the facility was exceptional. The staff was both well trained and loving.
I was very concerned about how Grace would do at preschool. Her experience in her preschool the previous year was very positive and she had had no problems whatsoever. However, this was a significant increase in time per week and I feared that there would be less choices and playtime for her. I met with her teachers before the year began and wrote up a paper with information about Sensory Processing Disorder.
Since at this point I still had no idea what was wrong with Grace it was very difficult to explain to her teachers what was going on. I told them that she had Sensory Processing Disorder. They had no idea what I was talking about. Now I do think that most preschool teachers should be familiar with SPD as it is fairly common on it's own and is always present in ANY autistic child. But, unfortunately, many preschool teachers lack understanding of childhood developmental disorders. Her teachers read through the information I gave them and Grace began the year while I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.
Her preschool year started off very well. Gracie was still Gluten free at this point and her teachers were very accommodating with serving up her own special gluten free cupcakes at parties and such. Grace seemed to be thriving. She was a strong student and clearly adored by her teachers. She wanted to please them and seemed genuinely happy. She was honored one week with a Citizenship Award and walked up in front of the entire school (preK - 5th) to receive her award. She was beaming. I was there to see her receive it and I couldn't hold back the tears. This was truly a success. I remember feeling that maybe we were finally going to be OK.
A few weeks later her teacher came to me and told me Grace had had a difficult day. She had been standing in the corner and refusing to move to different activities. My heart sank. The next day it was worse. She wouldn't come to the carpet. She wouldn't move to the craft table. She wouldn't stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. She wouldn't sing the songs. This continued day after day. Week after week. I tried to explain strategies to her teachers. I made a picture schedule for Grace for school and gave it to her teacher. I made a marble jar reward system for her and gave it to her teacher to use. I just don't think her teacher understood either how to use it or why Grace was acting the way she was acting. I'm afraid they issued consequences to her instead, punishing her for behaviors that were completely out of her control. I tried and tried to explain the situation. Grace was miserable. She cried and cried. She didn't want to go to school. All the pride and confidence she had gained in the previous months had been ruined. She was a mess.
This went on for about a month. One day we went in to check with her teacher. She told us it was another bad day and she mentioned to me that she thought Grace was being stubborn. I thanked her for her time. We left and never went back. She is not a bad teacher - she is a dedicated teacher. But not everyone can understand a child like Grace - I didn't even really understand her back then.
I didn't know it then, but OCD cycles. It is cruel that way. Just when we would think Grace was better she would crash, leaving us confused, heartbroken and angry. Just imagine how it must have made her feel.
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