Saving Grace: What is success?

When Grace was three and four years old she and her sister took dance classes from a woman in town. While Emma excelled, every class was a struggle for Grace. In the spring the girls were to participate in the annual recital which took place at a local high school. Every year this recital was a packed event - hundreds of people would fill the auditorium to come and watch.

I was faced with a decision. I knew then that something was wrong with my little girl. Was it autism? Something else? I didn’t know. Do I let her perform on stage knowing that it might terrify her, push her over the edge? How do I prepare her for this? If I let her older sister perform and not Grace, what kind of message am I sending her?

In the end it was decided that both girls would be in the recital. I volunteered to be backstage so that I could stay with Grace and walk her to the stage. On dress rehearsal day the girls were excited! We got costumes on, hair done and waited in the backstage area. If you’ve never been backstage in a dance recital you might not want to. Crying children, running children, hairspray, makeup, hollering dance moms, music... It’s something that might terrify the normal person. I found a “quiet” corner for Grace and we sat. She slowly started to come apart. And here’s where things got dicey.

Grace’s number was coming up and she was retreating more and more into her isolation. Suddenly I had a “fabulous” idea. I found another costume and put it on Emma as well. Emma would go on with Grace for the dress rehearsal and do the dance next to her. Emma seemed a bit nervous with her new responsibility - but I assured her that it would be just fine. Grace seemed to perk up for a bit and it was time to line up.

I got the girls backstage and ran to the audience. I heard them usher all the children onto the stage. The curtains opened and the spotlight turned on. THE SPOTLIGHT! How could I forget about the spotlight! Grace stood frozen as the music started. Her eyes as huge as saucers. Emma and the rest of the children danced to “Lollipop”. Little Grace started to fall to the floor. I jumped out of my seat and crawled up onto the stage taking Grace into my arms and pulling her off. She was shaken to the core.

We thanked Emma for being such a great sister and trying to help. I told Grace everything was OK. I tried to explain what a spotlight was. But realized that there was no way she would be performing in the actual show tomorrow. I felt terrible about what had happened.

It’s what happened next that defines Grace and our family.

We could have given up then. We could have decided no more dance recitals for Grace. But instead, the day of the dance recital we did something very different. I told Grace that she wasn’t going to do the big dance recital - instead we were going to have our own dance recital for her at our house. Because she just wasn’t quite ready for a big one yet. YET was the key word. We strung up sheets for curtains and invited Tim’s parents over. We played the exact same music and she put on her costume. I put her behind the curtain, opened the curtain, and... she stood there and cried. She still wouldn’t dance. We could have given up there too. But we didn’t. I took her aside and told her that I knew it was hard, but that she was going to dance her recital. We tried one more time - this time we kept the curtains closed and she danced her routine behind the curtain/sheets. We all clapped and cheered and she was proud.

It’s the small successes that matter. The baby steps that add up, over time, to achievement.

Grace has since gone on to dance in many recitals, with many spotlights. However it was last week when she was in a school music performance that it all came together for me. You see this time she decided to try out for a singing part - all on her own. She sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for her audition in front of her whole class. She was chosen for the ensemble. As I watched her singing into the microphone, with the spotlight shining on her, hundreds of people watching, I couldn’t help but be reminded of our first experience and how we never gave up.

Our children all deserve these chances at success. That’s really what it takes - many, many chances. Because in order for kids to be successful they need to try over and over again. They need people who believe in them. They need someone who will say, “It’s OK, let’s try it this way this time”. Because trying something over and over is what perseverance is. That is the secret to success.