Saving a life?

Today I met with Grace's psychiatrist.  Without going into too much detail he said something that really made me think.  He said, and I can't quote him exactly, "I don't push meds up into the 150/200 ranges unless I'm trying to save a life.".  Grace takes 150mgs of her medication.  She has been for well over 6 months.

Save a life?  Really?  I sometimes think of the work we've done with Grace as "life saving" for her in that I know her disability affects so many aspects of her life.  I often wonder where she would be without the interventions we have put in place for her over the past 5 years.  But I just can't imagine that Grace.  The medication she takes makes a huge impact on her ability to function. It "lessens" the blow of OCD.  It makes it more "tolerable".

To hear someone else say that, however, scared me a bit.  Just how severe is her disability?  And how on earth are we supposed to treat her when her meds are already at the highest dose a child can tolerate?  We've seen some possible side effects recently that could be a result of the high doses of medication.  The only way to really tell is to lower the dosage and hope.

What does it really mean to save a life?  What would Grace be like without ANY medication, ANY support?  What would have happened if she had parents and teachers who disciplined her instead of listening to her?  Who tried to force her to do the things she simply COULDN'T do?  She would be labeled as crazy, or defiant.  She would think she WAS those things.  Perhaps she would end up isolated, or engage in risky behavior.  And perhaps, sadly, horribly, her life would be cut short.

Not MY Grace.  No way.  Not ever.  We won't ever let the door shut on hope for our little girl.

Grace "dissecting" an old computer!