Rigidity and Chaos

Rigidity and chaos are not always friends.  Where rigidity wants a straight line, chaos wants to curve.  When rigidity feels nothing, chaos feels too much.  And where rigidity wants order and sequence, chaos goes the way of the wind.  Chaos is driven by emotion - and emotion can be unpredictable and volatile.  Rigidity, although inflexible, is predictable and reliable.  Rigidity and chaos, opposite as they are, have become my reality.

We all walk lines in life.  The line I am trying to walk now as a parent is the one somewhere between chaos and rigidity.   Unfortunately I usually find myself at one extreme or the other. Just when I manage to fight my way back to the middle, back to that smooth line, I am either thrown into chaos or driven back to rigidity by the drastically different needs of my two daughters.

Grace pulls me toward her rigid side with her constant black and white questions and answers - her absolute resolve and her scientific approach to life.  Grace has no need for subtlety.  She makes decisions quickly and moves on. Resistant and inflexible, she struggles with transitions and new situations.  Grace rarely wants or needs to talk about her feelings.  She often doesn't notice when she hurts others because she lacks the ability to pick up on subtle cues.  She is, quite simply, in her own little world.

Emma spends most of her time in emotional chaos.  She moves from emotional highs to crashing, debilitating lows in often unpredictable patterns.  She spends much of her time in a gray area - where answers are not clear, decisions are difficult, and nothing is absolute.  Sensitive and watchful, her feelings and emotions are always on high alert.  An unintended statement from her "rigid" sister will cause an emotional meltdown.

Rigidity is more predictable than chaos.  But they are both exhausting.  And amazing.

Gracie

Emma - our dancer